Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
