He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
