About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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