i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The best revenge is premature balding
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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