When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
