Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
