Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Let's get the cat blown out
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
