When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
