I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
