We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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