he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
