Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
