yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
