im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
