She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
