Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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