it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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