She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
