I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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