You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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