I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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