they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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