Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
