I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
