i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
