Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
send nudes
from the living room?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
