so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Let's paint friendship bongs
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
