do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We have so much sex to catch up on
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
