I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
