i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
