Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
