Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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