just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
