Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
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