So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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