Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
