Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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