for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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