i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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