I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
