i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
