i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
