Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
