he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
