So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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