I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
