the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
