someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
