R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
