We won't sleep together?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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