Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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