Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
